Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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