so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
