You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
