I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
