I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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