For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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