Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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