he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They have beer where we have blood.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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