they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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