I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
