just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
