Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
