Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
