Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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