He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
