My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
