either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
