I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You ruined the universe
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
