well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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