I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When did we convert life to cartoon?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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