HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
