it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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