She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
