At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
