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• (708): View more from Illinois

  it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"

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• (518): View more from New York

  I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

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• (914): View more from New York

  They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog

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• (805): View more from California

  I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities

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