I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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