I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
