Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
