last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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