am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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