I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Come share oat with me in your robe
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
