in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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