Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
