he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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