wakey wakey hands off snakey
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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