Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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