remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
