that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize