If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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