Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
