He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
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I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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