they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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