HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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