Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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