Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
