Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
