just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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