Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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