Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize