the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
