My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
