The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
