Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
