I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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