i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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