if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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