If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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