Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
