so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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