We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
