her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
